Surrender

A lot of anger arises out of my body about the violence inflicted on myself, the earth and all of its beings. This violence is inflicted by a system we are all co-creating. Sure, the system has is own right and purpose, and there are enough moments to be grateful for it. Yet, we live as slaves of the system with economy as its God in place of the system serving us.

It takes a lot of courage and acceptance of solitude when slowing down and not participating in the frantic lifestyle most of us pursue. It takes courage to express anger and grief without having the solution for the global pains and problems. Just to dive in, let life express itself, unfold with every in-breath, dissolve with every out-breath. To rest in confidence that life is much stronger than our mind, stronger than the system our minds have constructed, forgetting about the heart of all things.

Collectively, we are brought to an edge –  being pushed, being birthed by something that is so much greater than ourselves –  consciousness, love, totality, all words miss the essence. At any moment when grace lets me surrender to this force it changes from an atrocious demon inflicting fear into a motherly, loving presence. Into a caress in my heart that spreads through the whole body. Life holding me, living me, moving me from the indescribable core of my being. Joy.

There’s nothing wrong

The gap between the contracted, fearful, mind-driven state of being and the feeling of being held and moved by love is enormous and at the same time so tiny – I pass this border many times a day. My fucked up, despairing state is part of creation, of what I am, it’s not “wrong”. There is nothing wrong with us, nothing wrong with our time. The devastating state of our bodies and the earth is part of the unfolding we are living in. “There’s nothing wrong with me” is a  tremendously powerful mantra, and it also means, there is nothing wrong with the earth.

This is a paradox that explodes my mind. When there is so much pain, violence and destruction, how can you say there is nothing wrong? Yes, there is pain, there is something being birthed. There is no guarantee that mother and child will live through this birthing. The only possibility is to go into this process with all my heart and mind.